Let’s get something straight.

Pregnant women — no matter the trimester — don’t mess around.

While tapping on my keyboard, an email alert appeared. A friend sent me a link to this story he found online: “10 things you should never say to a pregnant woman”.

I needed a break. So I clicked on the link and was directed to a lackluster piece.

I’m not pregnant. I’ve done my share of procreating — two girls and a soon-to-be step-son are enough for me.

But, I still get a kick out of pregnancy stories. This was not one of them.

OK. Maybe No. 3 was a little funny: “I need this seat for my backpack, though”. But the rest were thumbs-down boring. You could tell the writer had never given birth.

If I had to come up with a list of my own (in no random order, mind you), here’s what I would suggest staying away from saying:

1. It’s just your hormones.

2. You look hungry. Eat. You’re feeding for two. No, really. You look hungry.

3. Stretch marks are just war wounds girl, you’ve got this.

4. Are you sure you’re not having a girl? You look pretty wide.

5. Get your sleep now because when baby gets here, you’re screwed.

6. Are you sure you’re not having twins?

7. Episiotomy. (Just don’t mention or visualize it ever.)

8. You’re as big as a house.

9. How much weight have you gained?

10. I only gained like five pounds when I was pregnant.

11. I barely showed. Guess, I carried baby in my hips.

12. Have you thought about how you’re going to lose that baby weight?

13. What’s your due date again? Because you look ready to pop.

14. Huh? You like that name.

15. I was in labor forever.

16. In fact, anything about your horrific labor and delivery stories. Keep’em to yourself.

17. Was it planned?

18. Can I touch your belly?

19. Mmm, seafood sounds good for dinner.

20. This wine is so refreshing. Oh, that’s right. You can’t have any.

21. Your hair looks amazing — so shiny and thick. You know it’s going to start falling out after you have the baby.

22. Anything to do with the size of an epidural needle.

23. Once baby comes, your sex life is going to cease to exist.

24. Wow! Where’d you get that outfit?

25. The house is a bit messy.

26. Are you seriously crying again?

27. This pregnancy is hard on me, too.

28. Another doctor’s visit?

29. You have to go pee again?

30. Are you sure you’re OK?

31. Why are you always tired?

32. Where’s my back rub?

33. Who’s the daddy?

34. Aren’t you a bit old for having kids?

35. From the back you can’t even tell you’re pregnant.

36. You’re going for a natural birth, RIGHT!?

37. Better you than me.

38. Are you sure you’re ready to have a child?

39. Are you disappointed it’s not a boy?

40. Are you going to try for more?

There are definitely more that are worse

But we are sure you get picture.

So mind your words.



Midwife reveals why pregnancy makes women want more sex… plus the amount of “Action” you’ll need to have if you want to bring on labour

WITH her gentle manner, brazenly honest approach and wealth of expert knowledge, Clemmie Hooper is the woman every mum-to-be wants at their hospital bedside when that time comes.

The 32-year-old ‘Insta-midwife’ is on a mission to prove that childbirth doesn’t have to be the expletive-filled scream-a-thon we often see in television programmes and films.

Clemmie Hooper, 32, is a midwife and a mum-of-four. She’s seen here with her hubby and kids

Clemmie’s crusade began six years ago when she turned her experiences as a caseload midwife and mum of four into a blog, Gas and Air.

Since then, she’s amassed over 228,000 Instagram followers, given birth to twins and written the pregnancy bible, How to Grow a Baby – and Push it Out.

“Pregnancy can be daunting, scary, exciting and amazing all at the same time – but we bombard women with weird information,”

Clemmie wants women to feel comfortable enough to ask awkward questions about pregnancy and birth

The mum has twins called Delilah and Ottilie who are one

“I wanted to create a place where women could read about pregnancy and birth and not be freaked out by statistics and big scary words.”

The no-nonsense guide, that is split into weekly sections, is a jargon-free zone that reads like advice from a trusted friend.

As well as need-to-know practical tips, Clemmie isn’t afraid to tackle the queries expectant mums are often too nervous (or embarrassed) to ask.

Clemmie with her husband Simon and their daughters Anya, nine, and Marnie, six

Eye-opening articles include: Does it matter if I went on a massive bender before I found out I was pregnant? (“Feeling guilty and worrying about it isn’t going to change anything”).

And, should I wax before going into labour? (“Midwives don’t even notice a bit of bush down there when we’re about to deliver your baby”).

Candidly discussing her own experiences, Clemmie admits to feeling like a “dog on heat” during her pregnancies and believes more expectant women need to talk about their off-the-chart sex drives.

“It’s pretty silly, really, as sex is the reason why you’re pregnant in the first place,” she said.

Clemmie’s sex life went through the roof when she was pregnant, but Simon was more ‘concerned and cautious’

“I was shocked, even as a midwife, how much I wanted to have sex during pregnancy. My husband was a bit more concerned and cautious.”

Clemmie says mums-to-be have “higher levels of the hormones oestrogen and progesterone” which “increase lubrication in your vagina, blood flow to the pelvic area and the sensitivity of your breasts and nipples” – all of which can turn you into “one horny mama”.

Clemmie is concerned many women get the wrong idea about having kids from TV shows like One Born Every Minute

Clemmie says there’s “no truth whatsoever” in certain sex positions determining the gender of your child, but getting frisky can bring on labour.

“There is some evidence that the prostaglandin (a hormone found in sperm) can soften the woman’s cervix,” she said.

“But you would have to have a lot of those glands so the quantity of sex would need to quite a lot.

“The motion of having sex might bring labour on as well. I’ve had some people try it and they went into labour the next day.”

Clemmie lives in south east London with her management consultant husband Simon, 34, and their daughters, Anya, nine, Marnie, six, and one-year-old twins Delilah and Ottilie.

Clemmie was 23 when she discovered she was expecting for the first time, just a few weeks after she’d started her first job as a midwife at Southmead Maternity Unit in Bristol.
Clemmie Hooper

Midwife Clemmie’s children Anya, nine, Marnie, six, and one-year-old twins Delilah and Ottilie

She is now working at King’s College Hospital in London on one of the busiest labour wards in the country.

Clemmie doesn’t watch programmes like One Born Every Minute (which is filmed at Southmead), and warns patients its “highly edited” with “time sped up”.

“Having a woman wailing and screaming on her back? I don’t think that’s a very positive message for women about birth,” she said.

“It’s not really like that as a midwife. I don’t think it helps women seeing things like that. That’s not how birth should be.”

Clemmie is adamant there is ‘no truth’ to the claim having sex in certain positions can determine whether you have a boy or a girl

The Channel 4 programme has previously aired a woman pooing herself during labour – a concern, Clemmie, says, may women have.

“80-90 per cent of women do a poo at some point during labour. And do you know what? Us midwives get a little bit excited when we see a poo,” she writes.

“Seriously, we do, because it often means the baby is getting closer to being born and that is really exciting.”

She added: “As the baby pushes down in your pelvis, it pushes on all the nerves and muscles in your bottom. So if there’s poo in there, then of course it’s going to come out.

“Giving birth really does feel like going for the biggest poo of your life.”

Clemmie has given birth to twins, so offered some advice to pregnant Beyonce saying she should slow down and take it easy

Clemmie says “life goes on” after you’ve pooed in front of your partner and midwives do their best to be discreet.

Also, as a mum of twins, Clemmie has some words of wisdom to impart on Beyonce, who announced she is expecting earlier this month.

“Physically, it’s just so different. You have the feeling of two babies moving around inside you which is totally mental,” she said.

“The positions they get into! You feel like your whole body is being taken over. I used to call them ‘the squirrels’.

“Beyonce’s a strong woman, I don’t doubt that she’ll ace it but I’m interested to see how much she works in this pregnancy. You’re just so much more tired.”

She advises the Single Ladies hit maker to “take each day as it comes”, adding: “There are so many risks with a twin pregnancy so you really need to take it easy.

Clemmie has written a book offering tips to women who want to start a family

“I definitely took it much more easy, I physically couldn’t do as much. I look back at my bump and I’m amazed.”

Clemmie says “being a mum is really, really amazing” but she’s keen for women not to get sucked into buying lots of pricey gizmos.

“I don’t think you need to spend a lot on a pram, you can get a good second hand one. They grow so quickly, one minute you’ve got a newborn and next they’re a toddler,” she said.

“You also don’t also need to decorate a nursery and have it ready. We recommend a baby sleeping in your room for six months.

“Don’t get sucked into it all. Every baby is different. Less is more. Look at Call The Midwife, their baby slept in a drawer!”

Or to stress out about how they look post birth.
This is why it’s important for mums-to-be to get lots of Vitamin D during pregnancy

“If I exercised more I’d probably look better in a bikini but I’m alright with how I look at the moment,” she said.

“I eat relatively healthy but I have chocolate. I’m a healthy size 12. You have to let go of a few things. It’s not me to be running round the park. It’s cold outside. I have four kids!”

Clemmie wants women to remember they are “incredible” and that it’s all going to be okay.

“Actually it’s fine, you will be fine,” she said.

“Pregnancy is such a short period in the motherhood journey. I want women to feel empowered for motherhood.”

culled from lifestyle

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